Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/27 02:01
I sit, and feel empty, and lost, and very sad. I always thought, that knowing Trin was going to die, would prepare me, however I was so ever wrong. I don't think you can ever be prepared, and even though I did all I could, from talking to Trin, telling her how I felt, and listening to her concerns, it still is just hurting like hell. It is actually painful, and my heart is aching, but each day, the sun comes up, and I have to put one foot in front of the other. I said my goodbye, I saw her afterwards, and have now attended her funeral. There were approx 350 people in attendance, and all deeply moved with emotion. Somehow, with no previous desire to publicly speak, I did my best friend proud, and spoke at her funeral. Those words, even as I type, are just so bizaree, "her funeral", it is so crap, and unbeleivable, but I did it. You could hear a pin drop, and hear people sobbing, but I made Trin proud, and let the world know, that I loved her, and will miss her forever. So, the phone hasn't rung, havn't received a txt, havn't been out shopping, and just feeling a bit lonely, but with time, this will be my "new normal", if that's even close to how I feel. I appreciate all the support this site has given me, if only to sit and type and vent. My thoughts are with anyone, dealing with melanoma, or families who are facing challenges ahead, it truly sux, and amazes me. Trin had arranged most of her funeral, and had chosen a beautiful poem. I'll leave you all with the final line...."Smile, open your eyes, love and go on". Bye for now, Angela xo
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