Corinne
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/06 00:05
Hi there Angela,
Your story has really touched me. I was reading it out to my best friend today and managed to blubber my way through it.
I think you are the most amazing person, and Trinity is so incredibly lucky to have you as her friend. You guys must have such an amazingly strong bond - and no-one can ever take that away from you.
Whilst it is no doubt hard to focus on the positive elements of your friendship right now, please know that in time they will start to shine through again. It was lovely to see my Mum smiling as she talked about Dad the other day (we lost Dad to melanoma 9 months ago now). It's taken a long time for her to get to that point - but it happened for her and it will happen for you.
For now, just do what you have to do to get through. Continue to love and care for Trinity, but don't forget to care for yourself too.
You are always welcome to come on here and share and vent. We understand.
Wishing you all the very best over the next little while. Will be thinking of you lots...
Take care mate...and big hugs to you both.
Corinne
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Barb Rix
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/09 06:46
I was so sad to read your story and all I can say is I am thinking of you in this most terrible situation. Dear friend, even though we haven't met I hope you find some comfort knowing other patients feel for you.
With love Barb
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/14 15:10
Me again.......not so happy today, as yesterday, Sat 13th June, I had to say goodbye to my friend forever. The end is very near, and she is in Canossa. We are down to days, and yesterday was the last time I will ever be/speak/hold my very best friend. It is so cruel, and my sadness is overwhelming even me. I know this has been coming, but somehow, I'm not prepared whatsoever. The disease is moving to ruthlessly, and fast, and hasn't left a part of her body alone. She is finding it very hard to breath, and it breaks my heart. I am so blown away, that from mole removal, to death, is nearly a mere 7 months. That's just not fair, it didn't even give her a chance. For me, to think that I will be soon attending my best friends funeral, upsets me beyond beleif. Her son will never have known his mummy, as being only 14 months old, but I have promised Trin that I will look after him, and never let him forget her. So as I type, I await "that" dreaded phone call, that could be at any moment. I appreciate all the kind words, and it sadens me that so many people are touched by this dreaded cruel disgusting disease...however, it shows for all of us, that life has no certainties, but we need to love and appreciate each other. I'll stop now, as I need another bloody tissue, and unfortunately, my next post, will be "the one", I never imaged in my life I'd be typing. At 33, this is not something I imaged to go through, but I have had no choice in the matter. xo
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/15 14:24
I hesitate to post, but unfortunately must inform, that Trinity Maree Bean, my bestest friend in the world, lost her battle to melanoma this morning, June 15th at 2:45am. She was so brave, and admirable the whole way, and I am devastated. Thanks to everyone that has followed Trin's journey. This is not what I had planned for 2009, and life from now on will never be the same. xo
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Nic
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/15 21:45
I am so sorry to hear about Trin's passing. My deepest sympathy to you and Trin's family.
It gets tough from here on in - it hurts like hell. It's going to be OK thou. The pain that is so overwhelming now, in time, will start to hurt less and less. Hold onto to all your wonderful memories.
a big hug to you xxx
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Cara Loach
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/16 20:35
Hello Angela, I'm so glad you have kept up this blog and I'm thankful for everyone giving their most hearfelt wishes to you and your beautiful best friend and my cousin, Trin. I am absoluetly devastated my wonderful cousin has gone. Although we knew it was coming, nothing could prepare us for the shock it still brought. Dad received a phone call from his brother just after she passed letting us know she had gone and she looked beautiful (as she always did).
I have so many wonderful memories of her when we were growing up, but the best was when she and her husband came to my wedding in NSW a couple of years ago.
Angela, thank you for all you have done for her from attending to her needs, being there sharing your feelings and looking after her husband and little son. Thank you also for being there to continue to help see her son grow up still remembering his mum as the happy and beautiful person she was.
Bless you and please keep in touch.
Cara xxx
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/27 02:01
I sit, and feel empty, and lost, and very sad. I always thought, that knowing Trin was going to die, would prepare me, however I was so ever wrong. I don't think you can ever be prepared, and even though I did all I could, from talking to Trin, telling her how I felt, and listening to her concerns, it still is just hurting like hell. It is actually painful, and my heart is aching, but each day, the sun comes up, and I have to put one foot in front of the other. I said my goodbye, I saw her afterwards, and have now attended her funeral. There were approx 350 people in attendance, and all deeply moved with emotion. Somehow, with no previous desire to publicly speak, I did my best friend proud, and spoke at her funeral. Those words, even as I type, are just so bizaree, "her funeral", it is so crap, and unbeleivable, but I did it. You could hear a pin drop, and hear people sobbing, but I made Trin proud, and let the world know, that I loved her, and will miss her forever. So, the phone hasn't rung, havn't received a txt, havn't been out shopping, and just feeling a bit lonely, but with time, this will be my "new normal", if that's even close to how I feel. I appreciate all the support this site has given me, if only to sit and type and vent. My thoughts are with anyone, dealing with melanoma, or families who are facing challenges ahead, it truly sux, and amazes me. Trin had arranged most of her funeral, and had chosen a beautiful poem. I'll leave you all with the final line...."Smile, open your eyes, love and go on". Bye for now, Angela xo
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/08/19 23:40
Hello everyone, who had followed my journey with best friend Trinity who passed away on the 15th June 2009. I just feel so very lost. I'm sure others will tell me this is normal, but it's this deep sadness, and worry, that time will heal, but just how long will that take?. That question I know can't be answered, however I just hate the way I feel. My senses are heightened to anything, words, pictures, songs, smells, and simply watching RPA a couple of weeks ago, watching a young man, have a melanoma removed from his lip. I sat sobbing, hoping his outcome will be better than Trin's....anyhow, just wanted to check in,...and are planning on attending a meeting, just working around life I suppose to get there on the Friday in Brisbane. Ok, bye all, Ang xo
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hermie1960
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/08/20 22:19
Dear Ang
I don't think that there is a person who has been watching your journey would ever say that time will heal all wounds. I think over time you begin to cry less. One thing I know for sure is that as time passes my memories of friends that I have lost become stronger. It is OK to grieve and no two people grieve the same way. I urge you to ensure that you continue to share your thoughts and find people in your life who are patient & supportive. I look forward to meeting you at the next Brisbane meeting.
My thoughts are with you in this very tough time.
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Nic
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/08/25 23:04
Hey Ang,
My heart breaks for you. I am with Hermie....time does start to heal the pain but that doessnt really help right now does it? Keep talking.. it does help. Grief counselling is also very helpful - just to have someone you dont know, and who is a professional, listen can be very beneficial.
I lost my Dad 5 months ago and to be honest there is not a day I dont ache to hear his voice. In the last week the stabbing pain I felt when I think of him has lessened. Maybe I have turned a corner...I am hoping. I no longer focus on his sickness but on the wonderful life he gave me, the laughs we shared and all the good times...and as crazy as it sounds I talk to him ( and you know what?? I swear he hears me!!)
No 2 people or time frames are the same. Go easy on yourself and try to be kind to yourself.
Keep talking and posting - You are not alone, everyone is here to help .
Big hug xxxx
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