Angela Ryan
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Lost for words... - 2009/05/04 04:14
I sit here, reading many other stories, and feel such sadness as I am to face the loss of my very best friend to melanoma. At 31 Trinity is a tower of strength and just getting on with life, what little she may have left. November 08 a mole was removed that had changed, to hear the news it was melanoma grade 4. Further surgery was planned to remove more of the are, however a lump came up in her groin. 2 days before xmas she had had her lymphatic system on the lower right side removed. 8 lymph glands removed with cancer in half. She came home for xmas, and after 2 weeks of recovery had scans. She was told she was all clear, which was a blessing on our ears. However lumps began to appear on her tummy, more and more and then on Friday 13th March 09 the news that the lumps yes were cancer, but it had spread to her liver and lung. We were horrified to say the least. Trinity was just 31 and her little boy hadn't turned 1 yet. Chemo began, she had two rounds, followed by radiation twice a week for 3 weeks. She had had a really sore back, and went in for further scans. On Friday 1st May 09 my best friends tells me, there is nothing more they can do. The chemo has done nothing, the cancer is so aggressive, and that's it. What can I say, what can I do, I am a mess and she is so strong. She has told me she's not afraid of dying, and I am trying so hard to be strong, but what is to come, is going to be so hard, and confronting, and yes, as many are telling me, life will go on, but it is just not fair. A simple mole is going to take my friends life in a flash. A question everything, and said why so many times. There is no answer. Only the good ones are taken from us. Cancer, we tried to fight you, and unfortunately, you won. Congratuations for ruining so many lives.
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Lyn Martin
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/05/05 01:09
Angels, my heart goes out to you and Trinity. I have some knowledge how you feel. I lost my only child at 23 to cancer in November 2008. He was given the allclear in August but in September it attacked his lungs, liver, spine and brain. One thing I have learnt is that melanoma is aggressive and unpredictable.It does seem crazy how a simple mole can kill. It's terrible having to help young people die so tragically. My prayers are with you.
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Mel Goanta
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/05/07 02:56
Today I read your message & you certainly have grabbed my heart. Though I am optimistic I am also realistic and do realise how dangerous this bugger we call Melanoma is.
Thankyou for your beautiful words when at a time you are probably finding it hard to find them.
I have unfortunately no way of making your pain go away god I wish I could.
But please know today you have become a friend and my prayers are with you as a I also have 2 friends like you and you are 1 in a million.
Try and stay strong live the rest of her days with plenty of laughs as there are bad things in this life but only the good are worth living for!
All my love
Mel xxx
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/05/11 03:25
Thank you so much Mel, you've left me with a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. This last week I have seen a big change in Trinity. Very very tired, and losing weight, as she is finding it hard to keep food down. She is changing before my eyes, and I feel like each visit, she is slowly slipping away. We are far from the worst days, and I try and tell myself to suck it up, and get strong, but it is ever so hard. We laugh and try and be "normal", but there is nothing normal with what we are going through. We are having a Fundraising/Celebration evening titled, "Tea for Trinity" in 3 weeks, so hopefully she will be well enough to attend. Thanks again, and we can only hope she suffers as little pain as possible.
xo
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Cara Loach
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/05/12 22:23
Hello Angela, I am Trinity's cousin. Her dad and my dad are brothers. She is my only female cousin and we have been so close growing up together. I can't bear the thought of what is to come, but I know I have to be strong. I keep in touch with her as much as I can and let her know she is loved by all of us.
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/05/14 03:19
Hi Cara, I have heard Trinity speak of you, and what a shame for us to meet, on this website, under these circumstances. If I am correct, and please excuse me if I'm mixed up, but I beleive I met your parents today, Ron and Anne? up from Sydney. Trinity is being very brave, and as her best friend, it is so very hard to keep it together, and especially me, as she will tell you, I am a professional crier. I try and take courage from her, as she is unbeleivable. The news takes my breath away, and sadens me that I will lose my bestest friend, but as she has said, many times, "I didn't ask for this, I didn't choose this, what can I do?" Today hasn't been a great day, she had been to the dentist, but this arvo she had a CT scan of her head, so we will see what comes of that. I really cherish every second with her, and our conversations just feel so strange, as we have covered many topics that I really never thought I would have to discuss. But she is a practical and organized gal, and is simply amazing. You are lucky to have her as family, and I am honoured to be her friend. Be strong, you must look after youself, as Trin won't want you making yourself sick. All things she has told me to do. I left her tonight with a hot water bottle on her head, and all had gone to tea, while she was tucked up in bed. This whole situation sucks, and I have wished and prayed and hoped it was all a bad dream, but unfortunately, it is not the case. Really puts alot of things in our lives into perspective, and shows us what's truly important. Thank you for commenting, and as you have noticed, not only do I cry lots, but I have alot to say. I just want to scram to the world, how fabulous this woman is, and how cruel melanoma is, ruining so many lives. Anyhow, your not on your own, and my thoughts are with you and your family. I'll give Trin a big hug for you. Bye, Ang xo
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Nic
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/05/22 17:12
Yep Angela, you have summed it up " lost for words"... I am so sorry you are going through this. Its Ok to cry ,its ok to scream ,its ok to throw things. It sucks. It feels like a bad dream that you will never wake up from. Melanoma is a hideous , hateful disease. It claims too many too soon...and always the very best people.
Trinity is so lucky to have such a beautiful friend. Spend every second you can with her and treasure every moment. She sounds like an amazing person and so brave in facing the unfortunate cards she has been dealt.
Please keep posting - it really does help to vent and please know you have lots of people thinking of you and sending their strength.
Lots of love in this really difficult time.
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Angela Ryan
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/03 17:45
Hello Nic, and all that have taken the time to read my entries. I was encouraged to keep posting, as venting may help? Trinity's situation is dramatically deteriorating. It is the sadest, worst thing, I think I will ever encounter, but there is nothing I can do about it. On Saturday 30th May, we had a fundraiser "Tea with Trinity", and around 160 people attended, and for most of those 160, they said goodbye, and Trinity with all her dignity and courage, sat poised, beautiful, and did not shed a tear, however she to me, counselled those people, and told them it was going to be ok. Amazing, and inspirational, and that she is, my best friend. However, Monday, 1st June, I admitted her, back into hospital, as pain is increasing, and medication needed to be adjusted. At 31 years young, we are now down to weeks. This disease, is amazing the doctors at the pace it is going through her body, and before my eyes, I'm losing her, even though I feel I have already lost her. Sadness fills my heart 24/7, and the end is so close, but no easier to deal with. She gave me in true Trin fashion, a big talking to, saying "acceptance" is what I need to have. My anger needs to be put in a bubble, and thrown away. She was very cranky at me for being angry, but do you blame me. Her poor little boy will never know her, it just breaks my heart. Anyway, enough for today. Off to the hospital, to inhale as much of her wonderfulness as I can. I love her, and will be lost without her. xo
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Lisa
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/03 18:22
Angela, what a fantastic friend you are to Trinity. And how she must value your friendship and love and support! If it helps you're not alone in feeling frustrated and angry by what's happening to Trinity. But how amazing that Trinity herself has accepted her situation... I can only imagine how hard it's been for her especially with a young baby. But I'm sure she knows that you will keep her memory alive for her little boy when's she's gone. Not sure if you're in Brisbane or not; if you are and you need someone to talk to face to face please call the mpa number (07 3314 2201). This is a heartbreaking situation and you need support yourself to continue to support your friend. My thoughts are with you and with Trinity. What an amazing person...
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Nic
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Re:Lost for words... - 2009/06/04 00:13
Angela, I am truly sorry to read your post and to hear of Trinity's deterioration.
My Dad was 5 months from diagnosis til passing and it was unbelievably rapid and shocking. I think part of me is still in shock.
Suck in that wonderfulness of being with her. How amazing and strong she is. Have as many precious moments as you can.
I admire what she says about accepting her situation. Its easier said than done though for those watching our loved ones suffer. I can relate to be angrier than angry - it sucks, its not fair...I even tried to "make deals" for my Dad to be well again.
How is her partner fairing up in all this?
You take care of yourself Angela - I know how hard it is be strong when it feels like your world is falling apart. Its ok to not be strong. It's Ok to lose it. Its ok to be angry.
Thinking of you and love to both you and Trinity
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