I never thought about getting cancer. I was 31 years old. I had a 3-year-old daughter and 16-month-old girl/boy twins. I was a busy stay-at-home mother of three. I had always been very health conscious, eating well, exercising, wearing sunscreen, and getting regular skin checks. 

Nothing seemed unusual or alarming when my dermatologist removed a wart during a routine appointment. Turned out, the pink, pea size "wart" on the back of my upper elbow was in fact skin cancer. I was diagnosed with stage IV malignant melanoma to be exact. After that phone call from my doctor, I never stopped thinking about cancer. My life would never be the same.

There are no chemotherapies that can shrink or eradicate melanoma tumors. Within weeks of the diagnosis I was undergoing surgery to remove the cancer and then extensive reconstruction. While recovering from surgery, I elected to have adjuvant treatment in the form of high-dose interferon chemotherapy for five days a week. The chemotherapy treatments available can only help to lower the very high relapse rates of patients with stage IV melanoma.

It was an overwhelming and painful experience. The hardest part for me was being so sick and separated from my children. It was hard for my little ones to understand what was happening to their mommy. Fortunately during this difficult time the community extended an outpouring of love to our family. People came together to help in so many ways. Meals were prepared and delivered to us every night. Our children were carpooled to school and other activities. My incredible Aunt Betty helped to care for me and my family in my home during the long phase of chemotherapy. She temporarily left her working farm in Viking, Alberta to be with us. Her act of caring and generosity was one of the most treasured gifts I have ever received. I was continually surrounded by compassion and kindness. Support overflowed from friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers. A fire inside of me fueled the desire to get well and recover. I did. For two years I was cancer free.

Then, in October 2004 I got the diagnosis that I had feared most. The melanoma had recurred and metastasized to my left lung. It hit me hard. Not so much the reality of cancer, but the fact that for the past two years I had been living in constant fear of this moment. Instead of believing that cancer would not return, I feared that it would. I was living my life from one month to the next between every doctor appointment. I had allowed the outcome of each blood test and body scan to dictate how or if I would live. Fear was controlling my life. Up until now I thought I had done so well to disguise the fear by my neat little existence. But this 2nd diagnosis uprooted everything once again! Looking back now, I see this was just the beginning for me. It was the beginning of a long process of letting go, and opening up to a deeper sense of faith.

Two painful surgeries came next followed by another round of the chemotherapy. However, this time the effect of the chemo proved to be too much on my surgery torn body. After one week I could barely care for my kids in the short amount of time I was ever left alone with them.  There were instances when I had become so weak that I was crawling on the floor between rooms to get my preschool twins what they needed.  It was at this point that God and I had what I like to call, our “intervention conversation”. I was alone, on the bathroom floor, shaking and exhausted from fever and chills. The twins were occupied in the next room with the T.V. blaring to distract them from the horrid sounds of my vomiting.  I lay there with my arms covering my sunken eyes and I simply asked God “Should I continue?” I felt a bright light filter down through me, even though my eyes were covered and my body began to feel warm all over. The chills stopped. I was calm. I crawled back into the room and got into bed with the twins. They were content watching a program and I drifted off to sleep. I only remember waking when my husband Dan, stood at the bedside nudging me gently. God must have been watching over the three of us that morning while I slept.

That very profound moment in the bathroom changed my life. In the chemo chair later that afternoon I terminated my formal treatment. My departure from the prescribed chemo was a shock to a lot of people, including my husband and doctor. I saw two paths laid out in front of me that morning. I believe God was conveying a message to me that I could choose to live my life in fear and doubt, or I could chose to live a life in faith. For me, stopping chemotherapy was the opportunity in this circumstance to choose the way of faith.

Chemotherapy made me so sick and was destroying my immune system. I knew I needed to get strong. I felt that if the time I had left would be limited, I wanted to pack it full with as much joy and energy as possible. I didn’t want to spend any more of my precious time being sick. I embraced a new path that opened me to alternative strategies for staving off a recurrence of the disease. I let go of a lot of my old ways of thinking and doing things. I surrounded myself with positive influences. I began to practice yoga and to implement meditation. I maintained regular visits to my Oncologist. Most importantly for me, I got back to the business of living! I believe the overall key to my recovery is that all along I have been willing to hear what my intuition has told me and act accordingly. I have learned to approach the questions in my life with a sense of faith and trust. Every day it is a struggle to defy my grim prognosis; but I choose to live my day filled with energy, optimism and joy.

For four years I held off the relentless disease. Now at 37, I am currently facing my third battle with cancer. This time I must fight a recurrence of melanoma and a new diagnosis of breast cancer. I am a warrior. I have already blown past my original death sentence and I have no intention of loosing speed! I must embrace this experience, good and bad. Instead of looking at cancer as my enemy- it will be my teacher. This is another process of learning to let go of what is unimportant, to live each day fully, then to step back and surrender with grace. God said to me “Now is all you have Ellen, so live in it.” I accept the struggles that lay before me, and my quest is to do just that- LIVE! I am living my journey, living in faith not fear.

Cancer is a daily reminder to me that even though I might not be able to understand the reasons for all that is happening in my life, I do know there is good and compassion in the world.   I was driven by my experiences to write a book called THE SHINING SEA STAR for my children. Quickly, I realized that the story could inspire other people going through similar struggles. The story of THE SHINING SEA STAR brings the message of hope that I want to share and pass on to others. It is about pulling forth the traits of PATIENCE, DETERMINATION, FAITH, STRENGTH, and GRACE during times of adversity.

By Ellen O. Hunter  This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or their web site  www.theshiningseastar.com ), February 10, 2008.